


Let Me Fix You

by TooManyShipsToName



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Eventual Romance, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, I'll add more but doing so now would be a spoiler, Lesbian Kara Danvers, Lesbian Lena Luthor, No Lesbians Die, Past Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Self-Denial, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-21 00:03:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17032443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyShipsToName/pseuds/TooManyShipsToName
Summary: Lena goes through the most significant trauma of her life, which is saying something considering her childhood. Now she needs to fix herself and she doesn't know how.





	Let Me Fix You

Lena feels cold. Really cold. She wasn’t in pain, but she knows that will come after the adrenalin wore off. For now though, on the pristine white floor of her office now tainted with her blood, Lena is paralyzed out of fear. She decides not to feel anything at all. She learned a long time ago that the best way to forget is not to feel at all. That’s what she did when her mother turned on her and that she’s done every time since. 

Lena could call for help, but she wouldn't want to inconvenience anyone. Jess was probably long gone for the night since Lena had told her a long time ago that if shes’s here after 6:30, which she usually is, Jess can go home. If Lena can’t have a life outside of work, the least she can do is let Jess have one.   
Lena’s mind goes to Supergirl. Kara. She was in Metropolis with Clark, but maybe she’s back. Lena needs to find her phone. When he came in, she remembers, she had been facing the windows, phone in hand when he came up from behind to grab her and drag her away from the window. Lena cringes at the memory and puts it back into a pit deep in her mind where no one can ever find it. 

As she begins to stand, turning onto her front for a more stable rise, she realizes just how much pain is coursing through her body. Standing makes her realize the shakiness in her legs, along with the rest of her body. The second she stands and starts walking, she regrets it as the room starts spinning. Her vision begins to darken as she tries to find something to grasp on to for balance, but comes up empty-handed. 

The next thing she remembers is a pounding in her head and a weakness throughout the rest of her body. When she opens her eyes, she feels her head pounding. Lena decides to forgo standing this time as she tries to support herself on her hands and knees. Dizziness seeps in once again as she rests her forehead on the ground to try and rid herself of the feeling.

 

When she finally feels her head clear enough to lift her head back up, she’s startlingly aware of her surroundings and the events that took place here. He had dragged her in front of her desk. Held her down by her arms with one hand, holding a knife to her neck with the other. When she tried to fight back, despite the blade a mere centimeter from her neck, and slashed her arm, causing it to bleed onto the spotless floor, then pocketed the knife, raising his hand and fully connecting with the right side of her face. She yelped and stopped fighting as teach began cascading down her face. He placed one hand around her neck, using it to cut off her air supply and issuing a warning.

“If you ever try to find me, I will kill you. Luthors ruined my life. I’m gonna ruin yours.”

The next thing she felt was his hand tugging at her panties under her skirt. She heard him undo his zipper. She wanted to hide. For the first time in a long time, she wished she was dead, but she knew he was doing this because he wanted her to suffer. He wanted her to feel a pain that he had to feel. Whatever it was from. She didn’t move, not that she could if she wanted to. After what felt like forever, he pulled off of her, roughly kicking her in the side and she heard a crack in her ribs. 

When Lena finally comes back to reality, all the pain that was being numbed with adrenaline also comes back. She can feel the pain in her ribs with every breath and when she looks down at the outside of her forearm seeing it still oozing with thick, red blood; staining the carpet and seeping onto the porcelain floor. Her wrists are covered in bruises, and she can feel the ache in her neck from his large hand. Worse, her right eye is closed shut from the swelling of the slap he awarded her struggling with. 

She realizes she failed at numbing her emotions as she feels tears start to run down her face and drip onto the floor. Sobs begin when she feels all her emotions crash down like a tidal wave which soon turns into whimpers as the pain in her ribs becomes too much to bear. She stays in this position on her hands and knees, head drooped and eyes closed. Tears are slowly dripping down her face. 

Lena’s never felt anything like this before. Even with all the years of her mother’s abuse. The punishments, the starving, the expectations. She has never felt this ruined. She knew that was what he wanted. He knew that she didn’t have anyone he could kill to hurt her as much as this did other than Supergirl, but he never had a chance against her. How could she forget about something like this? How could she hide something like this? She will never let anyone find out what happened. Even Kara. Kara’s seen a lot of things in her life, but Lena knows that she would never look at her the same if she found out.

Lena decides to give up on trying for her phone. She slowly crawls over to the couch, both hands on the coffee table for support and lifts herself to sit. There’s a bottle of water left from earlier in the day, and she grabs it to drink. The water feels heavenly as it finally hits her dry throat and after a few sips, her dizziness begins to ease. After a few minutes on the couch, she thinks she can stand.

She glances at the clock. 2:14 am. How on earth did he know that she would be there still? She shakes her head and tries to focus on the task. First things first, she needs to stitch up her arm. Luckily, she’s had to do this before. It was after an accident as a teenager that she didn’t want her mother to find out about. She barely has a scar anymore. Lena slowly stands, igniting pain once again in her ribs and realizes she’s still shaking. She tries to ignore it but realizes that the pain of stitching herself with no painkillers mixed with the shaking is a recipe for disaster, so once she’s up straight, she walks over to her liquor cabinet and opens it. She decides against the Tullibardine and looks to the back to find something cheaper. Her eyes land on a bottle of Jameson that she has for the nights when she doesn’t have to keep up appearances with a whiskey worth thousands and pulls it out. Lena decides against a glass as she opens the bottle and drinks straight from it. Three long gulps later, she puts the cap back on and places it back in the cabinet. 

Next, she slowly makes her way into the closet in her office to pull out the sewing kit she keeps for quick fixes. She knows she could have her clothes sent off to be repaired or buy new ones, but she doesn’t want to waste money on things that aren’t 100% necessary; even if it’s a mere rip in a skirt. She spots it on one of the shelves, thankful that she doesn’t have to reach high for it and endure more pain than she needs. 

Leaving the closet and shutting the door, she walks into her bathroom and pulls out the alcohol wipes. The brunette cleans the wound despite the stinging and sits down on the closed toilet seat, pulling out a needle and some string. She’s now thankful that she had a drink, knowing she would never get it through the hole while tremoring from the night’s events. Once it’s through, she cuts off the piece and takes a breath, placing the first stick. The pain is awful but slightly dulled by the whiskey coursing through her body. After the first suture, Lena grabs a clean face cloth off the counter so she can bite it while she places the rest of the stitches. One by one, she sutures her arm closed, cleans it again and finds a bandage in the closet of the bathroom to cover the wound. 

Next, she returns to her closet to find some new clothes that she can wear, so she doesn’t need to stay in the ones that were tainted by the trauma. Lena decides to go with a black pencil skirt, red blouse and well-fitted blazer that covers the bruises and bandage on her arm. Instead of putting it on, she returns to the bathroom and strips herself of her clothing to get into the shower, thanking herself that she had it added a few months prior. Unfortunately, the many mirrors in the bathroom cause her to catch a reflection of the damage. Her ribs and neck were already an angry black, and blue and her wrists had bruises in the shape of his finger. Even worse, her face was already bruising and swelling. I’ll ice and cover it with makeup, she told herself. Although she was still in pain, she was still being affected enough from the whiskey that she could completely remove her clothes. As she showered, she made sure to keep her arm completely dry so her bandage and sutures wouldn’t be affected and she settled for just washing her body since her hair was of out of the question with the pain in her ribs. Lena gets out of the shower and gets dressed again to venture back into her office to decide what to do about getting home. 

When she walks out, she spots the blood on the carpet and floor and realizes she very well can’t just call someone to clean up blood. It would be much too concerning for anyone to find this much blood scattered around the office, so she sets to work to do it herself, grabbing a towel and some bleach from the bathroom. The still wet blood comes out of the carpet surprisingly quickly, and she’s thankful because being hunched on the ground did nothing to ease the pain in her side. Lena then goes into the ice freezer below the liquor cabinet, taking a towel from beside it and takes out some ice for her eye, as well as a glass of whiskey, filling it much too much for her own good. She walks over to sit on the couch and covers the right side of her face with it. After a little bit of sitting there, ignoring the thoughts in her head and praying for the numb that will soon come from the alcohol. Once she finishes her drink, she goes to the sink and drops the ice in it and discards the towel

As soon as Lena thinks she’s done, she catches her reflection once again and realizes she has to cover the marks. No one will find out, she repeats. So Lena pulls out her makeup bag, glad that she wore a long sleeve, so she doesn’t have to cover her arms. She begins with her neck, covering it after her third layer. She then moves onto her face, thankful she iced since it looks reasonably close to normal despite her usually chiseled facial structure once it’s covered with more coats than probably needed.

Lena’s finally ready to go home when she’s done with her makeup when she realizes it’s almost 4:00 in the morning. She had two options; she can either take a three-hour nap on the couch or take a cab home and barely get two. Lena decides to go with the first option and stops by the liquor cabinet one more time before she goes to sleep to grab another hefty glass of Jameson. She’ll probably, no, definitely regret this in the morning, but right now, she couldn’t care less. 

When she finally sits down on the couch and tries to relax, she realizes just how exhausted she is. And drunk. After practically chugging the glass of whiskey, she sets the glass on the table and lies down trying to finally sleep, but can’t keep away the dark thoughts flooding her mind of the events that took place merely hours ago. A stray tear slips from her eye as Lena finally drifts into a restless sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This story is basically my baby for the next few months. I'm going to try to make it a nice slow burn for y'all so I hope everyone likes it! Also, just for reference, I also posted this on Fanfiction.net under the same username just so you guys know it's not stolen.


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